OMG, Pink and teddy bears!

Here is a piece of information you maybe could have done with out: I hate the OBGYN.

The excess of pink and cartoon teddy bears make me nearly as uncomfortable as the whole exam part. People, these woman are having kids, that doesn’t mean they are kids.

I hate that you’re pretty much required to go. It’s so condescending. Men aren’t required to go to some doctor to check out their private business. It’s figured that generally they got that shit under control. But, no, us ladies, we need special help. Pink special help.

I hate that when you do go but you’re not popping a kid out, it’s oh-my-god-so-boring. The doctor is bored. You’re bored. No one wants to be here. Just like how no one wanted to sit through high school sex ed either.

And, I hate, that because you’re the boring-not-popping-a-kid-out patient, you have to spend even more time sitting in the pink waiting room. I hate that the magazines are all Parenting and Gardens. Naturally, ovaries mean people lose the capacity to care about anything but babies and flowers and cartoon teddy bears.

I hate that when you finally do see the doctor for the less than ten minutes, condescending, required exam, they want to bond and paint toenails and share Cosmo details. And give you a mini-high-school lecture. Shit, woman, if I wanted to be educated (or make friends) I’d take community college classes. And — as a side point — no, I do not want to switch to whatever fancy new drug you’re pushing this year.

Then, you think, well you only have to go once a year. It’s not that bad. But, I did the math (I know, it was hard, I had to surpress my feminine hormones in order to be able to add) and I figured out in my life I’ll spend 3-4 straight days doing this — this, the required yearly bullshit no one wants to be here part, not even the OMG! YOU’RE HAVING A BABY THATISSOAWESOMEYOUMUSTBESOEXCITED part.

I wonder if you could just put your head down, tough it out and get the 96 hours straight done in one go.

Not even a little bit about triathlon

I was in San Francisco on Thursday when the Mehserle verdict was handed down (an incident which oddly has its own Wikipedia page) and people started completely freaking out; totally losing their shit. And not in the least because they thought he should or shouldn’t be found guilty. Everyone fled their office buildings and rushed home, because of the impending riots.

Which just really pissed me off.

Now, Mehserle was found guilty of involuntary manslaughter and could get 5 to 14 years. Whether or not you think that was fair or just or unjust or bullshit doesn’t really matter unless you were on the jury — that’s how our system works.

Personally, I think he had to be found guilty of something. You can’t just shoot someone in a crowded BART station, whether on accident or not, whether you’re a police officer or not. That’s not how things work here.

My opinion of whether he should have been found guilty of more isn’t entirely informed — I didn’t follow the trial closely — and it’s fairly colored by the fact that people with power freak me out, especially when they’re given guns. Steve thinks fatal accidents at the hands of police happen because we put the police in situations where they will happen — which is maybe fair. Or maybe we need to train our police more. Or both.

What you believe is a little bit dependent on whether you’re willing to give up some freedom, some rights, some civil society in order to be more secure. If you think the police have to cast a wide net, have to stop every person they believe has a gun, have to err on the side of making everyone safer, then sometimes they’re going to be wrong. I tend to believe I’d rather pay the cost of feeling less safe, of risking some crimes, if it lessens the chance an innocent person will be shot.

I think that’s what the phrase “freedom isn’t free” actually means, not that we should spend more on defense.

But that’s not what everyone was freaking out about on Thursday. Everyone was freaking out because these were going to be “the worst race riots since Rodney King.”

Shit, people, I don’t even remember the LA riots — I was 8 — but let’s not do a disservice to the 55 people who were beaten to death for no reason by comparing it to the robbing of  Foot Locker by Berkeley anarchists.

You can watch footage yourself. My favorite was on Channel 5 when the two British hippies started yelling at the reporter for not understanding ‘these people.’

The only reason the rioting was such a big deal was because it had been threatened from the start of the trial. A spontaneous outpouring of emotion I could have understood, but the deliberate use and threat of violence as a means to subvert and manipulate the justice system just pissed me off. And the freaking out just fed into it.

Underneath all these much more dramatic storylines is something no one’s really talked about.

Assume Mehserle’s defense was completely true: he meant to pull his Taser and accidentally pulled his gun. And shot Oscar Grant in the back and point-blank range.

We treat Tasers in law enforcement as a non-lethal deterrent. But they’re not.

It’s been well-documented that people have died after being shocked by Tasers. Particularly if it’s at close range or for an extended period. Or if the victim has a previous condition that the officer could in no way know about. With my heart arrhythmia wierdness and propensity for seizures, if I was Tasered I would probably go into some kind of shock and die.

Obviously, obviously, less-lethal is still better than totally lethal. And if the Taser was only ever used as a substitute for a gun, then less people would die, that would be great, etc.

But, because we treat the Taser as a non-lethal device instead of a less-lethal device, officers are much quicker to pull them than they would guns. In addition, they get far, far less training in Tasers than they do on their more lethal weapons. In fact, inadequate training was part of Mehserle’s lawyer’s defense (evidently, so inadequate he wasn’t able to identify that he wasn’t holding a Taser).

And, with that quickness to reach for what they believe is a completely safe deterrent comes accidents.

Mehserle wouldn’t have pulled a gun on Grant in a crowded BART station and shot him in the back of the head if that was the only gun on his belt. He wouldn’t have reached for the Taser and made a fatal mistake. He would have resolved the situation using other means. Non-lethal means. Because the Taser, it would appear, is not less-lethal enough.

1%

I’m reading Superfreakonomics (which is infuriating in that the assumptions the authors make in order to justify their arguments are leaps of faith off very shaky platforms), and I started thinking about the 99% accurate test that they put forward.

If a test is 99% accurate, most people would agree that’s really, really good. If any of the kids I tutored got 99% they certainly wouldn’t need me to tutor them.

But consider a test that is 99% accurate. In the book they imagine a test that is 99% accurate in identifying terrorists. But, what about a test that is 99% accurate in identifying dopers.

Out of 100 people that are dopers, it would correctly identify 99 of them as dopers. Out of 100 people that aren’t dopers, it would incorrectly identify 1 of them as a doper. But what if that 1% error is out of lots and lots of innocent people. Out of 100,000 non-dopers, it would incorrectly identify 1,000 as dopers.

For identifying terrorists this doesn’t really work, obviously, because most, most people are not terrorists, so you get an overwhelming number of people wrongly identified, which means for any one person identified as a terrorist there’s a pretty good chance they’re not.

Whether or not it works for doping kind of depends in part on how prevalent you think it is, but also on what we’re doing with all these false positives. Since the terrorist test is imaginary I wasn’t really interested in it. But, doping tests are not imaginary. They are real and they’re pretty high stakes and they are not 100% accurate.

It depends obviously on the particular test and newer, better ones are being developed all the time, but even if they have 99.9% accuracy those tests are incorrectly identifying some people as having used performance-enhancing drugs. And when you multiply that by the hundreds, if not the thousands, of tests that professional (and now, amateur) athletes have to take that’s a scary number of false positives.

And, that’s assuming no human error. [Kind of like how condom use's effectiveness in the real world is actually much lower than 98%.]

And, that’s not even talking about the athletes who get positive doping tests because they fail to fill out the right forms to get their asthma medication approved or didn’t know certain medicines on a long list of scientific names would trigger the tests. (On the email I got about banned substances, it listed a bunch of things that are banned “in competition,” but not out of. It took me a while to figure it out, but then it became clear you’re not allowed to be on Sudefed, Nyquil or Tylenol during a race, which means it has to clear your system before the race. How long does it take to clear your system? I really don’t know. Maybe just don’t take it 3-4 weeks before a race. But you’re racing every other weekend, so, just don’t get sick.)

And, we’re not even mentioning the fact that the World Anti-Doping Agency’s online tracking system is supposedly impossible to understand.

WADA is under fire – and rightly so – for an ill conceived system that now forces athletes to provide three months’ notice of their location an an hour each day for seven days a week between 6 a.m. and 11 p.m. for testing.

Even ignoring all of those issues (because WADA and USADA certainly are), I’m still concerned about the 1% error. Or .1% error. Because .1% out of 100,000 tests is still 100 people.

So, let’s assume, of course there are mistakes in drug testing. Of course. There’s technician error. There’s biological differences between people that would mean a test may fall outside the range of “normal.” There’s people who have filled out the forms wrong or didn’t mean to take performance-enhancing drugs with their over-the-counter medication. And, then there’s downright false positives. So, sure, of course, mistakes happen.

Except, according to USADA, they pretty much never make mistakes.

Which is why it’s totally ok that the high-stakes process operates completely outside of the confines of the pesky legal system. Who needs trials and evidence and defenders when you have “arbitration.” Why give the athletes access to legal assistance and their own test results; that seems so unnecessary.

It really shouldn’t be a surprise that few athletes appeal a sanction once it’s handed down and that on appeal the USADA seldom loses. USADA didn’t lose its first appeal until 2007 and that was only after a law professor and four law students worked pro bono on the case.

(USADA also shortened a hammer-thrower’s suspension earlier this week because she had taken a diuretic after being horribly depressed. It was a “rare loss.”)

So, if you experience human error in your test or make a mistake in the bureaucracy or are simply one of the false positives, then you are faced with an overwhelmingly biased, complicated, and opaque arbitration system, which makes it nearly impossible to prove your innocence and which almost never finds in your — the athlete’s — favor.

I would have more faith in a system that admitted it makes mistakes. Justice that claims to be all-knowing is seldom just or all-knowing.

What I wish I had said

This is what I wanted to say to the doctor when I left today:

No, I will not be coming back here or ever asking you another question. Ever. I don’t want to waste my time or money. I’m busy. Today, I was on deadline. I got up early just so I could finish work and come to see you. I hoped you might demonstrate more knowledge than a Google search, but I was wrong. If you’re going to pretend to be a sports medicine doctor, you really ought to have more knowledge of sports medicine than I do. And I don’t even know more than Steve. Don’t give me some bullshit lecture on shit I’ve known about running since I was 16 (and I didn’t know crap about sports physiology when I was 16) and act like its scientific medical advice, you crack. I had specific questions, three of them, and you couldn’t give anything better than vague, unhelpful and condescending non-answers. Then you actually told me not to interrupt you? I wouldn’t interrupt if what you were saying was worthwhile. Way to make a frustrating and difficult situation worse, you never-was hack. I want my $50 back.

That’s what I wanted to say but, since I’m not actually a terrible person and I couldn’t stop thinking of the Seinfield episode where Elaine’s doctor writes that she’s “difficult” in her chart, I just glared at him and tried not to cry.

Sports: Good and Bad

There was some fight in a women’s basketball game, which just months (months!) after a female soccer player pulled another soccer player’s hair, means that obviously women’s sports are becoming dangerously violent! Oh no! The horror! Aggression in sports is terrible! Especially from women!

Everyone seems just so concerned about “what is going on in women’s sports.”

It seems kind of what is going on is women are playing sports. And they want to win too.

I’ve been in swim starts with guys and they all punch. A lot. Not accidentally either. They punch you on purpose, with no goal of actually swimming, but just because watching someone bleed is fun. And no one seems to care. Just like no one seems to care that much when there’s big fights in guys basketball.

Sure, it kind of sucks when sports become something unpure and dirty, etc, etc. But I don’t think it sucks to admit that women’s sports are no more pure than men’s.

I played soccer for years. And I got the shit kicked out of me regularly. Because that’s how soccer works. I played water polo and other girls regularly tried to drown me and I would kick them back under the water where the ref couldn’t see. Now, triathlon is a fairly non-contact sport, but that doesn’t mean sometimes I don’t wish and wish that girl in front of me would get a flat.

I think this because I’m not some caricature of a feminine athletic ideal. I like winning.

There was this letter in VeloNews about women in sports. Women in sports have few professional options. They just don’t. Because of this, sports offer something different for women than for men. It’s not a way to make it big or become a star (unless you’re a gymnast or ice-skater). You’re not doing it for the money or the prestige, because most people will probably think worse of you for being a girl playing ice hockey. You do it because you like playing and you like winning and you like the experience.

This is from that letter:

What I mean is that there are so few professional opportunities for female athletes, you can rest assured that when they wiggle into Lycra, it’s for the purest of reasons.

Here’s the thing.

There were all these articles this week about “hipsters” using their food stamps to buy organic food. The outrage! The terror! Why didn’t they buy Cheez-Whiz and Coke like a real American.

Maybe unrelated to some people, there was also this story about a 600-pound woman aiming to hit the record 1,000 -pound mark.

Now, I get it — or if I didn’t, those internet commentators certainly showed me: “you bust your ass,” “why don’t they get a job,” “my taxes,” etc. [Side note, I've never met anyone who actually busted their ass, other than my mom. Most people show up. Their abilities are vastly underutilized and they rarely work as hard as they could. Then they get paid. I've never met a real live internet commentator either.]

But here’s the thing: for every story about a woman trying to eat herself to 1,000 pounds (I can’t believe she’s not pulling a Balloon Boy here, because I totally would just make this shit up) which obviously proves we shouldn’t provide universal healthcare, there’s a story about a boy dying from a molar infection that rots into his brain, because he didn’t have insurance to go to the dentist.

I don’t think we get to decide who is and is not worthy of our help.

Otherwise, we could set up panels that decide who gets to live and who gets to die. Let’s just call them death panels. Oh. Right.

That’s even assuming you can, in some way, truly quantify someone’s decisions as worthy or not. What’s that thing from those Chicken Soup books about Hilter being an upstanding citizen other than all the killing, and Churchill being a womanizer, heavy-drinker and smoker.

What we do is we establish rules and those that meet them get our support.

I went to public clinics as a kid. I got food from food stamps. What if someone had gotten to decide that my dad, an actor, didn’t have a real enough job. That my parents should have worked their asses off more. What if when I went to the health clinic they said I hadn’t taken good enough care of myself, it was my own fault, too bad.

Yes, the 1000-pound woman might get healthcare coverage if we had universal healthcare (though if you think you’re not paying the costs of that already in food subsidies to keep her food cheap and insurance premiums because preventative care is so unincentivized in our system that people have no reason to take care of themselves, then you’re wrong), but so would the little boy. Yes, you get to buy what you want on food stamps, and people have actually worked hard to expand the list of items available for purchase within WIC. You get the personal responsibility to make whatever decisions you want.

And no one gets to decide which decisions are more worthwhile.

That’s what makes America great.

In defense of Ice Dancing

Like I said, I wrote this a week ago, but hadn’t had time to finish. Now, I’m multi-tasking, though, because I am waiting. And also writing.

IN DEFENSE OF ICE DANCING

Because have you seen this:

Or this:

How can you argue against ice dancing? It’s like ice skating. Only campier. And more fun. With better costumes.

Yet, people have been doing it: arguing that ice dancing isn’t a sport, which is kind of like calling it gay, in that you thought it made you sound cool when you were 15, but really it just makes you sound like you’re 15.

Are you actually going to try to make the argument that baseball takes more athletic fitness and skill than this:

Because I think that would be a difficult argument to win.

(Come on, she’s standing on his leg, on a blade. ON ICE.)

(Besides, really, BASEBALL? They don’t even all have to run.)

Sure, I get it, sports that rely on judges are annoying. They’re so much less clear cut. It’s so much better when it’s obvious that that guy was clearly over the touchdown line before being tackled without interference from the lineman. The judges referees never get that wrong.

Sports are merely a set of rules that we all agree to that govern a specific set of skills. What purpose does being able to dunk serve in the world outside of a rectangular area where we agree that thou shalt not run with the ball without bouncing it and that once thou are inside a so-designated line thou shalt have 24 seconds to get said ball into a small metal hoop. How are those skills less arbitrary than the skills involved in ice dancing?

They’re not.

Even the sports that are the most “pure,” the go fastest to the finish line sports, are governed by rules. There are rules about how long you can stay under water after a flip turn in swimming and how your stroke has to operate to qualify as that stroke. There are rules about shoes and swimsuits and uniforms and bike weight. There are so many rules in triathlon I don’t even know them all.

So, yeah, I get it, you’d like to think “sport” is some magnificent thing without arbitrariness, but how fast you take off your shoes can be the difference between winning and losing a triathlon race. Go ahead, try and tell me that’s not dumb.

And, you know, what, Ice Dancing looks hard. Not exactly my cup of tea kind of hard, but still, really difficult.

AND.

It looks fun.

I have seen some of the shit on TV. There are few people in existence — other than my sister — who watch more TV than I do, and I can testify, as an expert, there’s not a ton of stuff better than ice dancing. Dancing with the Stars? Seriously? No, at least this shit is for a medal.

There’s a lot of channels. There were four just showing the Olympics (plus all the online streaming coverage). If there was something better on, you’d be watching it. Hell, you could watch a different Olympic sport if you wanted to, any of them. I watched more cross-country Nordic combined than I’ve ever seen in my life. So, it’s not like this is supplanting something else you find more valuable.

Complaining about an Olympic sport not being a sport is such a 20th Century argument. It’s so petty and small-fisted. Because, really do you think the ice dancers are doing it for the glory, recognition and prestige? Give them their two days on NBC. Why not.

Besides, did you SEE her standing on that guys leg in her skate? ON ICE?? That’s just crazy.

Broke but not broke

My laptop isn’t happy with me.  It keeps throwing me out of programs with a swift kick in the ass.

Apparently, I am using 55.1 GB of my disk space. And apparently, I only have 55.7. And apparently, this is bad. And apparently, the wrong response is: ‘ isn’t a G like one thousand thousands? so there’s like .6 of a lot of space.’ But the stupid laptop is needy.

Ugh.

I really dislike taking care of things. I have no interest in learning about the inside of a car. I’ll notice that the bathtub is growing its own variety of mold, but I’ll fall asleep thinking about cleaning it. No matter how many times Steve tells me what size the cassette on my bike is I’m not going to remember. It took damn near 20 years for me to learn which side of an envelope a stamp goes on. When I’m interested in things I remember painstaking detail to a stalkerish degree and can quote exactly what people said months ago. I’m a test-taking memorization genius.

But, if I don’t care about something, then, oh man, I can out-ambivalent any 14-year-old.

Which brings us back to: I don’t care much about taking care of things.

I should, I know. But, I blame this on the mentality of growing up without money and having to always take really good care of everything, because by-god there was NOT going to be a new one.

I know there are people who survived the Great Depression and were appropriately thrifty the rest of their lives, having internalized the lessons of hard work and scrimping. But I just want to open all my doors and call my dad up and yell, “Look, I’m air-conditioning the whole neighborhood!” (Kidding. We didn’t have air-conditioning.)

What I learned from never having new shit: new shit is awesome. It’s some kind of innate, psychological attempt to prove that I don’t need to feel bad about not having the cool stuff or the new stuff or the right stuff, that anything I own from the thrift store is now done so ironically not out of necessity. I can not, physically, make myself want to maintain anything I own. I do it anyway, sometimes. But I don’t like it.

And that’s why my solution to cleaning the bathtub is just to buy a new curtain every few months.

Some day I’ll be rich enough to buy a new computer instead of cleaning out the hard drive of this one. Some day!

Side note: if you haven’t read this “Fuck You Google,” you really should. Right now. It pretty much sums up all the problems with Google Buzz in a scary way. Sure, it’s not necessarily a specific situation that Google should have thought of, but they should have realized when they automatically sign people up for a system that publicizes their information and doesn’t allow them an easy way to opt out, something could go wrong.

Go to college

So, there was this article in the Wall Street Journal about how college graduates don’t necessarily earn more than non-college graduates. Evidently, the whole ‘college graduates earn $1 million more over their lifetime’ thing is not totally accurate.

And yours truly served as the example in the article of a college grad gone wrong, I suppose:

And just like any investment, there are risks—such as graduating into a deep economic downturn. That’s what happened to Kelly Dunleavy, who graduated in 2007 from the University of California, Berkeley, with $60,000 in loans. She now works as a reporter for a small newspaper in the Bay Area and earns $34,000 a year. Her father is currently paying her $700 monthly loan payments. “It’s harder than what I think I expected it to be,” she says.

Which is true. Those facts are accurate and I did say that. And it’s really her prerogative as a reporter to decide what role she wants to cast me in.

But.

Now that the story is getting reblogged and reblogged, I’m starting to feel like some kind of symbol of why you shouldn’t go to college. Which is dumb.

I do not think I was in any way tricked or misled. (Other than tuition getting hiked up $10K from freshman to senior year, but that was just plain shitty.) I don’t “regret my mistake” or any such nonsense. And no one guaranteed me I would make a ton of money if I went to Cal.

It was my choice to go to Berkeley. I could have gone to Illinois and it would have been cheaper and I would have gotten a ton of scholarship money for staying in state, but I chose to come out here. And it was my choice to earn $34K and work in an industry that people keep swearing is dying — which is also dumb, but a discussion for another day. I majored in International Economics, I could have chosen to go into consulting or banking and made a ton of money and a college degree from Berkeley would have been beneficial in doing so. I know lots of people who did that. I just didn’t really want to. I could have also chosen to join the Peace Corps and made no money. I know lots of people that did that too. I just sort of enjoy indoor plumbing. [On a side note, in studies of the average income of college graduates, do these people factor in at $0?]

There are lots of reasons to go to college and none of them are a guarantee of anything. Graduating from a good school merely offers more options in life, which is all you can really ask for.

A better study than comparing the average incomes of college graduates and non-graduates, would be to look at the top 1 or 5 or 10 percent of income earners — how many of them have college degrees? My guess would be most. Because it’s not an option that is often open to those without a degree.

[Side note, my parents are paying my student loans right now as a gift -- which has to do largely with the fact that my family had almost no money when I was growing up and now they want to give me an opportunity to have that choice. So don't even think about making any nasty comments.]

Back to the grind

Yesterday, I went to Sacramento for work (of the paying variety) and listened to people talk about the state of the state and the budget and what we need to do to reform California. [In short, change the 2/3 vote requirement to pass a budget to a simple majority; reform if not massively cut back on the proposition system; redistrict; repeal term limits. There, problem solved.]

Then, I ate a brownie and came home late.

Which meant that I had to get up early yesterday (for me) and head to the gym. I was doing this jump-roping, box-hopping, kettleball swinging circuit and dripping sweat and this 45-year-old guy gives me the ‘hey, are you here every Wednesday?’ and ‘we should work out together.’

Super.

Then, this morning, after my run, I was standing by my car bent over stretching. Which meant that a group of mountain bikers who came up behind me got a pretty good look at my ass. I wouldn’t have noticed or cared, but one of them dinged his bell at me a few times. Which again, I wouldn’t have noticed really or cared (who pays attention to middle-aged mountain bikers), but they weren’t 10 feet past me when the other guy turned to the guy who rang the bell and said, ‘oh, so is that what the bell is for?’ and he said, ‘well, it certainly caught my eye.’

Do you think I can’t hear you? Or that I’m too stupid to know you’re talking about me, sorry, about “it”? Or, do you just not care? Do you think somehow I deserve comments being made about me, because I’m wearing running shorts and stretching?

And these weren’t sketchy teenagers hanging out of a window. They were rich, middle-aged guys in Ross (where Sean Penn lives). What if I stood up and was like a friend of their daughters or their babysitter? I know I look pretty young, so how is that appropriate or a good choice?

Steve says there are a lot of other bigger injustices in the world to be pissed off about, which is true I guess, but this is one where no one loses if you stop being a dick. It’s not like we have to raise taxes to remedy this situation. Ugh.

It totally almost ruined my morning.

Because, the morning was awesome. There are times running in the morning, when the sun’s coming up over the hills and the fog is rolling off the lake through the trees, when it is totally worth it. Even if your calves are cramping and your legs feel like rubber bands, you wouldn’t get to be the only person out on this trail, above the lakes, if you couldn’t run that far.

I don’t carry a camera while I run, so here is a picture I took of the fog at the bridge. Appreciate it.