Southwest Airlines: Symbol of Freedom

Which is apparently Southwest’s motto, which apparently everyone else already knew, but which still cracks me up, probably because I stared at it while stuck on a Southwest plane for a few hours yesterday.

If it’s storming in San Francisco, then the airport doesn’t like to let planes land. It’s almost as though it never rains here (someone, when I said that, said ‘yeah, I know, right,’ but I’m being sarcastic, ok, because actually it rains a lot here, because we live in a monsoon-type climate, which really shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone). But, still, the airport didn’t want to let planes land, so they only had one runway open. We finally got on the plane and OK, We’re set to go! No, the man who went out for a smoke is too late, we’re not letting him back on; we have to go NOW! Then, SFO closed temporarily (who knew they could even do that), so we sat on the plane some more.

Now, you may read this as “It was terrible,” and everyone keeps sympathizing heavily and asking how awful it was, but. I’m not the one who had to direct planes.

It’s not that awful to read a book. I did work just as well from the airport as from my office. And I figured I’d get home eventually that day. Basically, I wasn’t missing anything that was much better than sitting in an airport.

But that was the end of the weekend.

The beginning of the weekend began with a Loko. This is a Loko:

What is a Loko?

A heavily caffeinated, 12 percent alcoholic 24 oz. watermelon-flavored (or blueberry or raspberry or orange) drink. Supposedly, one can is like drinking a bottle of wine mixed with two Red Bulls.

Now, hypothetically, if someone says ‘let’s drink the rest of this six-pack before it goes bad, and don’t worry you’ll be fine to get on your plane tomorrow morning,’ don’t do it. Hypothetically.

If you choose not to take my advice, however, do know that in theory what might possibly be the best way to freak out the quiet Asian couple sitting next to you on the plane is to just start throwing up before the plane even starts moving, while you’re still just sitting on the runway. It’s like saying THAT’S RIGHT BITCH; YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M GOING TO DO NEXT!

In theory.

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