The other night we were out and I was sort of tired, things have been busy.
Me: Steve, I think I put my underwear on inside out.
Steve: This is what The Patch has done to you. There are crack addicts who have it more together.
But, not that crack addict in the movie. I also may have it more together than Christian Bale too, so at least I got that going for me.
(Also, it’s not really called THE Patch, but we started saying it to make fun and now I can’t stop.)
I also had another awesome conversation at the gym this week. I was doing lunges and one of the trainers, who was just sort of hanging out and seemed pretty bored, came up to me.
Me: Weight-lifting. Oh, sorry, I thought we were just naming types of exercise.
No, I didn’t really say that, I was like, “What, huh?”
And he was all, are you doing pylometrics? I do pylometrics, like this crazy workout all over the gym.
Me: Um, I’m doing lunges.
Him: Cool, I’ve never seen anyone doing those before.
Me: You’ve never seen anyone do lunges?
Then, he was all are you doing this for basketball. I’m really interested in what people do. Are you just trying to stay in shape.
And, jesus, I tried to answer his questions and be semi-nice, but I was also lunging, so, you know. Then, I went over to another part of the gym and was doing a plank and he followed me over there.
Him: Do you do a lot of yoga for track?
Me: Um, I guess you could.
Him: So, you take a lot of yoga?
Then, he starts like doing “yoga” poses next to me and asking what they’re called. Is this downward cat? Upward dog?
I kept saying I don’t take yoga and couldn’t figure out what his fascination was with it, until as he kept talking he asked if I was just doing random poses I saw other people doing.
Me: I’m doing a plank. They’re pretty standard. In like all sports.
Him: I’m really interested in all the different types of exercise and learning about them. I do this thing called P90X. (Or whatever it’s called — I know it, but can never keep track of all the names of new trendy exercise crap, like planks and lunges, obviously.)
And, he’s doing all this while I’m trying to do a plank, so I have to be like *gesture, I can’t breathe right now.*
Then, finally, I just had to turn away and do a side plank with my back to him. And he still didn’t go away. He was like, “Is this how you do it? This is hard? What school do you do track for?”
I’m not a particularly warm or friendly person. Anyone who knows me will attest to this fact. So, I don’t know how I am encouraging people to talk to me. No one talks to Steve. Ever.